Matthew 5:44 (New International Version)
44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
this week has been a rather dramatic week, because i was soaked in my tears for 4 out 0f 7 days. i thought the lecture bashing from my mum last week was the worst that i could ever get, but everything turned downhill after that. i am not gonna blog about the details here, cos it's so confusing and even I, myself, find it hard to comprehend.
this whole week has been a series of spiritual attack from the devil, to dissuade and discourage me from praying for my family's salvation. there were lots of misunderstandings and confusion between me and my parents, and there were lots of negative thoughts and deception in my mind. there was so much warfare going on inside my mind.
i've never thought things could get so complicated with all the misunderstanding piling up at one go, and i almost broke down on Friday when things seemed to be going out of control. i hung on, prayed and cried real hard, asking for God's divine intervention. there was so much fear in me and i thought i could go crazy anytime, i wanted to dig a whole and just bury myself without having to face all these problems. i dragged my feet home, unwilling to face the difficult situation that is awaiting me. i wanted to be a hermit crab that hides away from all of its problems. i knew i had to leave everything to God, and i kept praying inside my heart, and tried to calm myself down so that the tears wouldn't flow out during exco meeting.
i smsed everyone whom i shared my problems with to pray for me, as i know at such situation only prayers will work. i had no more strength to pray for myself and i was growing tired. my mind was in a whirl, and all i could think was pray pray pray. racheline, you have to get people praying for you and you have to pray for yourself. i prayed in tongues not knowing what to ask from God in words. after exco meeting, i waited for my mum to come back. i walked out of my room to greet her, awaiting for her to give me a second session of lecturing. i was ready and prepared. but thank God, her words weren't hurting, there were no scoldings, there were no criticizing, there was only understanding which was given by the grace of God.
on saturday, i was deliberating whether to tell my parents about church camp. they were already angry with me cos of what happened the previous day and also last week. i needed the courage and wisdom to talk to them. i paced around the living room, prayed to God for about 2-3 hours before i knocked on their room's door. " God has prepared the way for you, just go and ask..." " God has promised the victory, just go and ask..." these were the random thoughts that God put into my mind when i was praying. and finally i asked my mum about it, awaiting to be scolded by her yet again, but amazingly, she didn't scold me but told me that she'll discuss it with my dad. i know everything that i have done, every step that i have taken, every word that i have said was all out of faith. though they dragged the issue the whole day just to give me a disappointing answer, i still pressed on and kept praying for miracles to happen the next day.
i woke up early in the morning today, and started to cry again cos i know there would be no miracles. i wanted to make sure that i dun end up crying in church instead, so i cried in the bus on my way to church. the devil was putting thoughts of "you see, God doesn't answer your prayers, why pray so much? " "who do you think you are that God will listen to your prayers?" in my mind, which i admit i almost succumbed to it.
i thought i could suppress my emotions, but tears just flowed when those who were concerned about me asked me if i was going for camp. it took only 10 seconds for the tears to flow from the moment i stepped into church, and i just cried having no idea why i could cry so much. and then some of the leaders prayed for me and talked to me, which made me realise alot of things, though it was only 10 minutes.
i came to realise the importance of being joyful no matter what happens, no matter how bad is the situation... i should always trust in God for His plans and decisions. i learnt to handle disappointments well, when God's ways does not match with our ways. i paid, packed and asked in faith, thinking that I would definitely be able to go, but God surprised me with His ways. and i learnt that God honours every little step of faith that I have taken, and He is happy with my obedience. even though it doesn't seem tht i have won the battle now, i know that i will come out of it victorious ultimately. when He doesn't give me the things that i want, i believe that He has something better in store for me.
i'm always grateful that God has placed a group of friends around me to support me whenever i am going through rough times. i have learnt to lay down my pride, and ask people for help... by just praying for me. thank you all who have kept me in your prayers, and praying through for me. i've experienced the power of intercessory prayers, esp when i had no motivation to pray for myself, and all those miraculous things that had happened were because of all of your prayers. i really appreciate every single one of you whom have prayed and broke the hard grounds for me, and all the encouragements / phone calls that you all have given me.
my brother gave me the following verse to read to encourage me, and i realise that it's actually not that bad to be persecuted for Christ's name, cos when my family gets saved in the future, and i look back, i'll be able to see how God has preserved me despite all the persecutions and used me in His own ingenious way...
1 Peter 4:12-19 (New International Version)
12Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
14If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.
16However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 17For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18And,
"If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?19So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
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