i'm tired and I feel like giving up. doubting whether I've been put into the right place. didn't share my testimony for you to doubt God's work. i know i've not been a good child, i've not been going home early, but it doesn't mean that i am doing anything bad outside of home. i know you are afraid that i would get too tired, but please do not doubt me when i say i have meetings to attend. and when you find no fault in me, you push all the blame towards church. not just me, but you did that to Max too. i wanted to explain to you everything just now, but i found no way to talk to you. Max said you hurt him with your words. and those are the words i've always been wanting to say since i was young. i remember those days that i secretly cried and prayed for you whenever you quarreled with dad, the tears that dropped whenever i cried out for your salvation, the hundred over prayers that i prayed to God so that He would protect you in your everyday life. and you said that i didn't love you nor care about this family at all. if i hadn't, i would have walked out, and would not have shed so much tears whenever i move into hostel on Mondays. i love you so much even though i didn't gain your favour when i was young. i love you so much, do you know that? it hurts most when you say you don't believe in God anymore, it hurts so much to hear that you doubt God actually healed me. it hurts so much when you say your heart has grown cold.