if you have not know, i've been having insomnia for the past 6 days, until yesterday night when i finally got a good rest. for the pst 6 days, i got to bed at 12 but only manage to sleep at 4 or 5, and i will cry in the middle of the night if i cannot sleep, i'm so scared that i keep fearing that i would fall into depression. i was so afraid it would be permanent and so i kept crying in the middle of the night, thinking that if this persist, i would lose my happiness. i thought abt the future, and wondered how long this would last, and when would i not worry abt all these sleep again. i fear that i won't get to sleep every single day, and when i am on my bed, i think of how to get to sleep.

the breakthrough was yesterday night. i dunno what happened, i jus prayed to God and said i needed faith and courage. cried in the morning, cried at night, cried almost all the time. haha. i've been crying non stop for the past few days. it was only until david reminded me that God weeps and is also heart broken when He sees me suffering that I realise how deep God's love is for us. and God reminded me to really surrender everything to Him, cos He wants to bring me out of this suffering, and rejoice with me. He wants to smile with me. then at night, I went over to city harvest church, borrowed a room from them to pray awhile, and then i started crying again, and i asked God for faith and courage. As i returned home, and still crying, God reminded me that His words in the bible are true, and His words are His promises, and that promises will be fulfilled, and His words are not fictional, but something that really do exist. prayed over this again and again and again, prayed over

Psalms 4:8 "I will both lie down in peace, and sleep, for You alone o Lord, make me dwell in safety."

and over again, and amazingly slept at 1130pm. praise God

when i woke up this morning, i gave thanks for the good rest, but soon after, i was overwhelmed by fear again, i was afraid i won't get to sleep tonight again. and so i was worrying for one whole day, though at times i tried to reject those thoughts. i wasn't worrying abt my papers at all. ok and so i cried again at night, till i really got to pray to Him again. and then God reminded me that it won't be just one victorious night, but many more victorious night to come. i prayed for God to remove any fears permanently, not just today and tomorrow, but forever after, i prayed and asked God to protect me from any deception that the enemies might implant in me. deceptive thoughts such as " this is going to be long term" or " you will fall into depression if this continues" or " oh nooo, God is only gonna grant me one day of peace and no more" or " i won't be able to sleep tonight"... i prayed that God would keep reminding me of His grace, His goodness and His mercies. I prayed that i would remember His goodness more that i remember the works of the devil. i declared victory over all these fears and insomnia cos Jesus has won the war for me on the cross. and i prayed that even as the night comes and as a new day starts tomorrow, i won't fall into deception and entertain those negative thoughts again, instead, i will believe and cling on to God's promises as i open my eyes each day.

" When you lie down, you will not be afraid. Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror, nor of trouble form the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught."